Look Away Sammy
by ImmaSlytherout
Summary: All the times that were needed to say it. Slight AU, doesn't exactly follow SPN time line, but does in a way.
1. Chapter 1

**Please be aware that there is mentions of alcoholism, child abuse (both mentally and physically), and suicide. You have been warned. (I don't think it's too bad, but this is for your safety. Love yourself, and please don't be triggered)**

"Look away Sammy."

The first time it was spoken, a four year old boy held his six month old little brother in his tiny arms, the baby's face pressed to the child's shoulder to protect the fragile one from the heat of the flames and the sight of their home being burned to the ground. The four year old looked up and saw his father coming out of the burning building, a look of defeat on his face.

He was alone.

"Look away Sammy."

The next time it was said, the slightly older boy was holding his slightly older little sibling in his arms, holding the smaller one tightly, trying to muffle the baby's cries for food as their father checked them into yet another hotel. The older boy pressed a kiss to the top of the little boys head, shutting his eyes tightly. "It'll be okay Sammy." The older whispered.

"Look away Sammy."

The now seven year old boy commanded, as their father stumbled back into the motel, drunk as could be. The older boy shoved Sammy under the bed and tried to help his father to his bed, when the dad suddenly turned and his fist collided with his eldest son's face. The boy bit back a cry as he helped his dad into his bed anyways. "Look away Sammy." Was whispered that night as the older boy wiped his tears away.

"Look away Sammy."

The now ten year old boy whispered, as Sam stared back at him with wide, scared eyes. "Dean, I'm scared." Sam whispered back, his voice breaking at the end. "I'll protect you Sammy." Dean promised; suddenly he pulled from underneath the bed they shared. Dean could hear Sam's sharp gasp and Dean could only hope that Sam was looking away as his father slammed into his face repeatedly, ignoring the cries Dean let out, ignoring the pleas of _daddy, no please don't, I'll be a good boy from now on, please daddy no_.

"Look away Sammy."

A twelve year old Dean growled as his blade chopped the head off of a vampire that had been running around town, killing innocent people. Dean turned and saw his brother Sam with his hands still covering his eyes, and the sight made Dean give a small smile. "You can look now Sammy." He called out and he watched as Sam uncovered his eyes once more. "Dean, I'm old enough now that I can see guts and blood and stuff." Dean smiled and ruffled the younger boys hair. "Alright, from now on, if I say look away that means it's really bad. Got it?" Sam grinned up at his big brother. "Got it."

"Look away Sammy."

A sixteen year old Dean whispered once they reached their motel. Their father had just picked Dean up from Sonny's boy home, and the whole ride to the motel Dean knew that nothing good was going to happen. Sam nodded and covered his eyes. Dean saw stars when he felt his father's hand collide with his face, and Dean let out a soft moan at the pain. Their father reached over and grabbed Dean by his hair, yanking Dean closer to him, causing a small yelp to escape from Dean's lips. Dean whimpered at the pain of it, and prayed to any god out there that Sam wasn't watching this.

"Look away Sammy."

A twenty two year old Dean spoke softly, and when he turned to face his little brother, he remembered that Sam was gone, and away from this life. Dean thanked the angels that were supposedly watching him that Sam wasn't there to watch as John drunkly screamed at him, telling Dean of how worthless he was, and how it was Dean's fault that Sam left.

"Look away Sammy."

Thirty year old Dean spoke this time, a tear rolling down his face as the building that held two of their family members, Jo and Ellen blow up, taking their bodies and anything else within that proximity with them.

"Look away Sammy."

Dean said softly at thirty one, not knowing how long Sam could hold off against Lucifer. Sam nodded and closed his eyes as he jumped into the hole in the ground, taking Micheal with him.

"Look away Sammy."

A forty five year old Dean chocked out, blood pouring from his mouth as he chocked on his own blood, watching Sam hold him close to his his big old moose chest, screaming at Dean to _hold on, please, I can't be without you, you jerk, you promised me you'd protect me always, DEAN NO!_

But Dean was already gone.

And this time, he wasn't coming back.

 _"Look away Sammy."_

The thought whispered in the back of Sam's head as he held the revolver in his hand. It was over. The war was finally over. He lifted the gun and put it in his mouth.

He closed his eyes.

 **I AM SO SORRY, I HAD TEARS IN MY EYES AS I WROTE THIS, BUT IT NEEDED TO BE WRITTEN. So leave a review for me, and let me know: do you want me to write a sort of epilogue where the two of them are in heaven? Cuz I'll totally do it if you want me to ;) but I gotta know if you want it, so leave a review and let me know!**

 **Much love and stuff,**

 **-ImmaSlytherout**


	2. They Deserved Some Happiness

Sam opened his eyes and saw that he was standing in the middle of a country highway, surrounded by trees on both sides of the empty road. He turned around and saw Dean, leaning against the Impala with his hands in his jacket pockets, a light smile on his face. Sam noticed that his eyes seemed softer, and his shoulders weren't holding all that stress and tension that Sam would normally see in his elder brother.

"Dean."

Sam breathed out, tears climbing into his eyes. Dean smirked and pushed himself off the Impala, but didn't take a step towards Sam.

"Hey Sammy."

Dean greeted back, cocking his head slightly, something Sam _knew_ he had picked up from Castiel. Sam looked around at the empty highway before turning back to his brother. "Where are we?" Sam asked softly, his brown eyes meeting vidid green ones. "We're in heaven Sammy. We finally made it." Sam gave a small scoff of disbelief, tears filling his eyes again.

"I've been watching over you Sammy."

Sam narrowed his eyebrows playfully. "That sounds a little creepy Dean." Dean laughed and poked the ground with his foot. "Yeah, well I promised I'd protect you, didn't I?" Sam laughed and stuck his giant hands in his coat pockets. Dean looked at his brother fondly before a scowl settled on his face. "Hey, I was protecting you and watching you from here. That means I saw how you died. I don't approve." A sad look filled Sam's eyes as he looked away, unable to look his brother in the eyes.

"What was I supposed to do Dean? You were gone, the war with everything was over. I boarded the gates of hell, killed any demon that didn't make it back, and even helped angels get back into heaven. For a whole year I was strong on the outside, carrying out my duty while I was secretly dying inside, only because of you, because I knew you would be pissed if I didn't finish what you couldn't. Once it was all done, I just... Couldn't handle it. I was alone, all my friends were dead, family was gone, and I missed you. Every day was torture, because I would turn my shoulder, or look up from my computer, expecting you to be there with a beer in your hands, looking at a book or listening to your iPod; but when I turned my shoulder, or look up from my computer, and you weren't there, it just tore my heart apart, over and over again. You were supposed to be there with me. You weren't supposed to die before me. You promised you'd be there, and then you just weren't."

Sam's voice broke and the tears he had managed to hold back suddenly came flooding out. Sam collapsed to his knees, holding his face in his hands as he sobbed. He felt Dean wrap his arms around Sam's shoulders and hold him tight, and eventually Sam buried his face into his brother's chest. "Shh, it's okay Sam, I'm here. I'm here now." Sam clutched at his brother and inhaled deeply, breathing in his brothers scent of car oil, whiskey, and faded leather.

Dean was here. Dean was alive.

After ten minutes of Dean holding Sam and promising over and over again that he was never leaving again, the two men stood up and Sam was wiping at his face, embarrassed by his tears. "Let's never speak of that again." Sam stated half seriously. Dean laughed and gently punched his brother in the shoulder.

"Bitch."

"Jerk."

Dean smiled fondly before ruffling Sam's hair. "It's been a year Dean; how was heaven?" Dean grinned. "It's amazing Sam. Everyone is here. Jo, Bobby, Ellen, Kevin, Mrs Tran. Anyone that we were closed to who died, is here." Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean. "I noticed how Jo's name was first on your list."

Dean blushed lightly and cleared his throat. "Well, Sam, um... Jo and I are a thing. Now. We're um, we're dating, I mean." Sam laughed at his brother for tripping over his words. "You're a thing?" Dean cleared his throat again. "I'm actually going to propose soon." Shock flashed across Sam's face. "Is that a good idea, with you guys being hunters and everything?" Dean grinned widely.

"That's the thing Sammy; we're not hunters. This is our _heaven_ , and we says goes. We never wanted to be hunters; I've always wanted the Apple pie life, and here, I have it. I can start a family and not worry about some crazy demon coming and killing us. We're _free_ Sammy."

Sam grinned and clapped Dean on the shoulder, hard. "That's amazing Dean." Suddenly a whooshing of wings were heard, and the boys looked up to see Castiel. Dean's breath hitched slightly; he hadn't seen Castiel since he arrived in heaven.

"Cas."

Dean whispered, staring at his blue eyed friend. Castiel smiled at the shorter man and turned to Sam. "Welcome Sam. It's good to see you again." Sam smiled. "Yeah, nice to see you too Cas." Castiel cocked his head slightly. "Everyone is waiting for your arrival Dean, you are taking longer than what was expected. Jo specifically asked me to tell you, ahem, to 'get your pretty ass back here with your brother or I'll break up with you.' Her words, of course, not mine." Dean laughed.

"She's feisty, but she won't break up with me. Loves me too much."

Dean winked at Sam before nodding at Castiel. "Alright alright, we'll go there now. Tell them to be patient, okay?"

Castiel nodded and then he was gone. Dean grinned at Sam. "Alright Sammy, get in the car. We have a reunion to get to."

 **x.x.x**

"SAM!"

As soon as Sam entered the Roadhouse (because where else would everyone be?), he was immediately jumped by a short girl with long, blonde hahair and deep brown eyes. "Hello to you Jo." Sam laughed, hugging Jo tightly. Jo smiled fondly before marching up to her boyfriend. "Dean Winchester, you are in serious trouble!" Dean held up his hands in mock surrender before winking at Sam. He scooped the girl into his arms and pressed his lips against hers, holding her tightly to his body. Jo returned the kiss with just as much energy before pulling away. "Alright, you're off the hook..." She grumbled, breathless in his arms. Dean laughed and one by one, everyone came to Sam and greeted him kindly and warmly. Tears filled his eyes as old friends, who had long been dead, came and greeted him, everyone smiling and laughing. Someone handed Sam a beer, and someone else turned on the jukebox, letting music fill the empty spaces between where conversations were being held. Eventually couples started to dance to the music; Bobby and Ellen, Jody and her husband, Garth and his wife (who Sam couldn't remember the name of, but he still thought it was sweet that she was here), Dean and Jo (who was now wearing a small ring on her ring finger; leave it to Dean to propose on the Sam day his brother was back), and even Kevin and his mother. They weren't a couple, of course, but still, they too were laughing and dancing.

Sam surveyed the room, drinking his beer, alone for a moment. He was smiling happily; everyone he loved was here and it was as if no one had died and they had all been back on earth; it made Sam think of what could have been if monsters and other things that went bump in the night never existed in the first place. A hand clasped his arm, bring Sam back to reality. He looked down and his breath was stolen right out of his lungs.

"Hello Sam."

Jess greeted, a soft smile on her face. She was as beautiful as Sam remembered, and maybe even a little more so then he remembered. "Jess?" He whispered, disbelief evident in his voice, and in his face. Jess giggled. "I've been waiting for you for a very long time. So let me ask; may I have this dance?" Sam took her hand and pulled her onto the "dance floor" and they started dancing, happiness seeming to glow from the two.

Castiel stood outside the Roadhouse, looking in. He was going to join the party, but first he wanted to survey the joy that seemed to ooze out of the building. Castiel smiled, knowing that this heaven was correct. Sam and Dean Winchester could live the rest of eternity in this place of happiness, and Castiel would make damn well sure that nothing disturbed the brothers of their peace and happiness.

They deserved a bit of happiness.

 **Hello, me again~ so I came up with this today, what do you think? I will not be writing anymore of this particular setting/style/AU/whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it, but I will (of course) be still writing, so if you wanna check out my other stuff I highly recommend doing so! I'm thinking of writing a story with Dean and Jo (not my OTP, but I still ship it. If she hadn't had died... Ooh) so let me know if you would be interested in that. :) so please leave a review, and as always, love yourself!**

 **Much love and stuff,**

 **-ImmaSlytherout**


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